Happiness
by CaseyCuervo
Summary: Duo reflects on his relationship with Heero. Touches of romance, angst, sap. (2x1)


Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Gundam Wing AC

Pairings: 1x2/2x1

Rating: M

Warnings: yaoi content, language, lemons

* * *

Happiness

I'm the happiest I have ever been. I have great friends, and a wonderful lover and husband. We've been together for about nine years. It hasn't all been easy. We were fifteen when we started things. For me, that's when our relationship began, although we didn't officially become "boyfriends" until we were nineteen. And we've been happily married for two years now.

We both work for the Preventers, but neither of us are in the field. After the war, we didn't want to be on the front lines anymore. Only Wufei and Trowa were field agents, and even they didn't stay on that long. Quatre would become sick with worry every time Tro was gone for more than two weeks. I would be too if I had been in his shoes. After all the shit we've been through, we don't want to lose each other. And Tro goes deep, deep undercover. Or did anyways. Once he saw the strain it was putting on Quatre, he stopped and joined another department. Wufei left the field after almost dying. He had been engaged to Sally at the time, and realized he had something he really wanted to live for. A wife, the prospect of children, and to be there for those children. I'm glad. I don't want to loose anymore people that I love. Not until we're all old and wrinkly and it's our time to pass on.

Mine and Heero's relationship started a little abnormally. It was purely sexual, a way to relieve stress. We didn't go straight to humping like rabid monkeys though, it kinda progressed slowly. It started at that boarding school. He walked in on me one afternoon as I was jerking it on my bed. I paused for like thirty seconds before the shock wore off and continued masturbating. Heero just stood by the door and watched, which I got off on.

The next day he asked if he could watch me again. I told him to join me instead.

"I've never done this," he said quietly, even though we were alone.

"Well you saw what I did. Just follow my lead," I told him. I didn't realize that he meant he had never touched himself until half way through our little experience.

We kept our clothes on, just pulled our dicks out. He sat at one end of my bed, and I the other. We watched each other pleasuring ourselves. I watched fascinated as his face became flushed, his breathing labor, his brows furrowed, and small erotic sounds from his lips that he couldn't hold back. All the while he kept those intense steel-blue eyes fixated on me. When he came, his eyes clamped shut and a loud, almost whimpering moan came forth from him. That brought me over the edge with a groan of my own. He trembled afterwards, and appeared a bit shocked by the whole experience. Heero lost that oh so tight control he has over himself, and that's what scared him.

We did it two more times before we left the school. By the third time we were naked, and I convinced him to test out his own prostate.

"Why would I do that?" He asked.

"Because, it feels really good," I reassured.

Heero looked at me like I had sprouted a second head. "But isn't unsanitary?"

I huffed a sigh, "Well you do have to wash your hand afterwards. So don't rub your eye or something stupid like that before washing it." I really wanted to see his reaction to this. Not all guys like rubbing their prostate gland. Some hate it, some are indifferent, others like it, and some guys like me, LOVE it.

I handed him the tube after I took some lube and rubbed it on my fingers. "I want to watch you first," he said, but it sounded more like a demand. I shrugged and got on with it. Heero watched as I started to pant and roll my head on my shoulders.

"Now you go," I moaned.

He pulled the blanket up over his bent knees so all I could see was his upper chest and face. "I don't want you to see me do it," he said nervously. Fine, I didn't exactly care about watching his finger slide in himself, just his facial reaction to it.

I could tell he had work it in by the way his face twisted in displeasure. "How do I find it?" He gruffed out.

"This tissue feels different from the rest, you'll know. It's not that hard to find," I consoled. About at minute later, he lurched forward with a clamorous gasp. His chest instantly began to heave, and as we kept going his moans of satisfaction got more urgent until we peeked.

I soon realized it was only in sexual situations that Heero could let go, of everything. His training, his control, he's emotions painted clearly on his normally stoic face. It was then that he really started to trust me. Heero never said he didn't want me to tell the others what we were doing, or that it was to be a secret. But I didn't tell anyone regardless, this was personal and private. He was glad I kept it that way. I already knew he valued his privacy immensely and I didn't want to break that trust we shared.

Heero didn't open up magically though. He was still as distant and reserved as ever, but I was privy to a special uncontrolled, primitive side of him. Slowly he began to smirk at my lame jokes, or seek out my company for no reason, just to be in the same room. He didn't know at the time why he did that, he tells me now that he had strong emotions for me then, and just didn't know how to handle or express them. He just wanted to be close, without knowing why.

Eventually we started jerking each other off instead of just watching. I knew he would want to at some point, so I wait for him to make the move. "I want to touch you," was all he said. We were in a safe house sharing a room.

He began to gingerly undo my pants when I stated, "Ya know, people usually kiss first."

He looked at me quizzically, and leaned in slowly. We kept our eyes open. He gave me a quick peck, nothing special, like he was afraid of that kind of contact when he was about to touch me more intimately. So we jerk each other off in our dark room. I had to shush him a few times so he wouldn't wake the other guys. He's really cute when he bites his lip.

Soon after that we started fingering each other as well, he gave me a quick peck of a kiss each time. The first time for that, we were camped out in a crappy little tent on sleeping bags after an arduous mission. I asked him if I could do it and he said yes, albeit self-consciously. We stripped off our clothes, and I had him straddle the middle of my torso. I think it made him at ease to hover over me of me rather than lay beneath me.

Using one hand to stoke his cock, roll his balls, and rub his taint (i.e. perineum), I used the other with two saliva slickened fingers to penetrate him. I stretched his hole and massaged his sweet spot. A light sheen of sweat graces his tan skin. I gazed up at him as he panted, moaned, and whimpered. I watched his chest expand and constrict with each breath. I watched the muscles of his abdomen and thighs tensed and flexed, defining them hard and rigid.

Heero struggled to keep his eye open as his head lulled from one shoulder to the other. By and by it became too much. He came over my chest, face, and in my hair a little, which irked me some, but not enough to show it.

As I was about to wipe it off my face, he clutched my wrist. "Don't," came out as a husky command. His eyes pierced into mine, daring me to defy him. I let my hand fall back to my side as he climbed between my legs and began to jerk my neglected cock, by that point I was painfully hard. He used two fingers on me as well. Heero kept looking back at me, and his mess on me with a satisfied smug smirk. A hungry look formed in his eyes, he held my gaze with his as he lowered his head and wrapped his mouth around me.

The sounds escaping my throat increased in volume as I watched him bob his head up and down on my shaft while he had two fingers pressing down hard on my gland. I came quickly, pushing his head down, I bucked my hips. He let me fuck his mouth until I had emptied myself.

Withdrawing from my passage he sat up between my legs and opened his mouth. He pointed at my cum in his mouth like he didn't know what to do. I cracked up. "Swallow it!"

He did so, and then reprimanded, "Don't laugh at me."

"It was funny! And cute," I chuckled.

"Don't call me cute either," he scolded. I think he's cute when he gets a little embarrassed or unsure of himself. It's not often that he does, even now.

Anyways, I cleaned his jizz off my face, and then pulled him close. This time I wanted a real kiss, not just a peck. Our lips made contact, and he tried to pull away instantly. I held onto the back of his neck firmly and kept him in place as I planted soft, closed mouthed kisses until he responded. I let go, not pushing it any further. His eyes were soft and apprehensive when they opened.

We didn't have a mission together for a while after that. I had to fight my aching for him while we were separated. Forced myself into believing he didn't miss me at all. When we finally met up again it seemed that way. Heero was cold and indifferent towards me. The second we were alone, that all changed.

He forcefully pushed my against the foot of Heavyarms, and devoured my mouth with his in a desperate, slightly painful kiss. I opened my mouth as I wrapped my arms around his back and buried a hand in his dark messy hair. My kiss was just as desperate and urgent in return, as our tongues dueled for dominance. He pulled back quickly, his Prussian eyes wide and wild with distress. He scowled and glared, I knew he was upset with the effect I was having on him.

Heero tried to push me away, disengage my hold on him. I fought to keep my grip, and we struggled about. I pulled his face back to mine and pressed my mouth to his scowling one. He punched me in the jaw and took off.

When I found him hours later, he was perched in a tree - he's a bit of an odd ball - over looking a city scape miles below. I climbed up and sat beside him on the thick branch. We didn't speak, just watched the Earths sky change to shades of orange, pinks, and purples. The lights of the city shining brighter as the sky darkened. Looking in each others eyes, we silently communicated that it was time to go, and dropped from the tree. Halfway back to the safe house I took his hand and squeezed. He clutched mine in return and flexed his fingers around mine in return, less intense than I did, but still he let me hold his hand.

We spent the next few days by each others constant side. Most of it was in silence. I knew he had a lot of things to digest and think about. If he was to push me way then, I would have let him. We were fighting in a war, this connection we had, whatever it was, had to come second. At night he would climb into my bed and lay curled up against me. Our last day at the safe house, we mainly kept ourselves locked in our room, making out and sucking each other off. He liked for me to make a lot of eye contact while I had his rod in my mouth. And he liked it when I straddled his chest and fucked his throat. Sweet thing doesn't have a gag reflex. We still weren't ready for real sex though.

Next time I saw him, he came into my cell and held a gun to my head. I was more than ready to die, maybe just a little surprised to die by his hands. I had been ready to die in Deathscythe, but the self detonation didn't work. For our first anniversary as a couple, Heero gave me back the missing mechanisms of the detonation switch. I had a feeling he had been the reason why it malfunctioned.

Instead of killing me, he got me outta there by creating a diversion and messing with the Mobile Dolls targeting system. We escaped on a stolen aircraft. I knew he was upset with me for getting captured, but I wasn't sure what was going to happen.

Once we were at a safe distance from Oz, Heero turned the gravity on in the craft and hauled me into the back of the ship, and shoved me into the tiny sleeping accommodation. He removed my spacesuit, and every time I reached up to help, he viciously smacked my hands away, and roughly pulled my hair out of its braid. Glaring at me the whole time, he stripped me naked and then removed his own suit. I became a little scared. I was injured and he was beaming me with a terrifying scowl, like he wanted to kill me slowly.

He shoved me on the bed, flipped me on my stomach, and climbed over me. I got his intentions very quickly. Fear rushed through me, I wasn't sure if I was ready for it yet. I figured I would have to bottom for our first coupling, but I didn't want to do it when he was furious with me. But I couldn't fight him off with all my injuries. He used one hand to hold me down between my shoulder blades, and kept his body positioned between my legs.

"Stop it," he warned. I whimpered and ceased struggling.

He stretched me with spit covered fingers. He wasn't exactly gentle, but he wasn't as forceful and harsh as I was anticipating. With three fingers he scissored my passage and massaged my hot spot until I was moaning vehemently.

He stopped when he deemed me ready. Flipping me over on my back, he spit in his hand and rub his rod. Positioning himself, he started to push in, glaring at me the whole time. His entrance stung, he felt too big, but there was no turning back. He paused to let me adjust, and when I opened my eyes and gazed upon his face I found a plethora of emotions warring in blue irises. Anger, anguish, trepidation, affection, and fear.

Our love-making stared slowly. I call it love-making because that's when I fell head over heel in love with him. I just didn't know it yet. He rolled his hips, thrusted shallowly, and rained kisses over my face. We panted and moaned in unison. Our groans of pleasure turned to cries as Heero picked up the pace. The room filled with our cries and the sound of our skin making repeated contact. I came moments after he started jerking me, and I clenched around his member and dragged him over the edge with me. After that we had to return our attention back to our responsibilities.

I realized I fell in love a few missions later. All five of us were on a mission in space, flying to our destination in our Gundams on autopilot. I couldn't sleep, so I found a radio station that came in clear enough for me to listen to. It was a station that played "oldies", songs that I had never heard.

I opened my communication link with Wing Zero, and kept the audio off in case Heero was asleep. I didn't want to wake him. Which he was. I watched him sleep, arms crossed over his chest, head tilted to a shoulder, mouth slightly open. As I watched him a song called, "Can't Help Falling in Love" started playing. At that point, I had never heard of Elvis Presley. I mean the 1950s were over millennia ago. I had never heard music like that. It ended up being the song we had our first dance to at our small wedding.

Anyways, it was right then and there that I realized I had fallen, and fallen hard. It terrified me. If he were to die, I didn't how I would handle that. I made a vow that I would do everything in my power to make sure he would make it out of the war alive.

We went through the war surviving because we had to. We had too brief encounters, heavy heated kisses, and sex anywhere and everywhere we could find a moment alone.

The first time he let me take him was in Deathscythe. I had been doing repairs and he appeared at the opening of the hatch. It was night, but the hangar was illuminated with bright fluorescent lights. He had a determined lustful look in his eye. Standing on the opening he stripped in front of me. His skin was slick with a light coating of sweat from the hot, humid summer air. I stood in the cockpit and undressed. Heero laid our clothes out and laid on top of them.

I peered over the Scythes platform to make sure we were alone in the hangar. Seeing as we were, I began to straddle his waist when he stopped me, and maneuvered me between his legs. My blood started to pulse in my ears, I had been waiting for this.

I prepped him slowly and gently, getting him to pant and whimper and a blush to grace his cheeks before I pulled out and got into position. I took him as slow as possible. It wasn't easy, he was hot and tight and I want to pound him into the floor. Eventually he encouraged and pleaded with me to take him harder, deeper, faster, and I was all too happy to oblige. I thrusted with a fury into his body below me. His cries filled the hangar. It's the quiet ones that are loud during sex. I've heard Quatre and Trowa. Tro is the loud one.

At some point during my first time topping him, someone came into the hangar. We both heard the footsteps, but god be damned if Heero let me stop. He racked his nails down my back, wrapped his legs around my waist, and forced me to keep moving. The person left quickly.

We found out once we returned to the bunkers that it had been Wufei. He glared at as and half shouted, "Am I the only one who isn't fucking gay?"

I fell into a fit of laughter. When I caught my breath I said, "You were always the lone wolf Fei, even in this regard. But we still love you." He just grunted and tried to go back to sleep.

Anyways, as we were drawing near the end, he stroked himself and came on the both of us. His hole spasmed around my cock, and I spilled my seed into his constricting passage. I collapsed onto him and moulded our mouths together. Our tongues glided over each other as I buried my hands into his sweat soaked hair. I didn't want to pull out, a desperate dooming feeling gripped my heart.

He tried to pull away, but I wouldn't let him. I kissed him with contingency. Heero relaxed when he saw the unfounded fear in my eyes. He kissed back, mirroring my desperate mood. We touched, groped, and licked until we were ready again. I pulled out only to let him arrange himself on his knees. I opened his cheeks and pressed my tongue into his hole. He yelped. Licking him down, and spitting a final wad of saliva into him, I pulled back and reentered him quickly. He pulled my arms until my chest rested against his back as I humped him possessively.

It turned out that foreboding distraught air that surrounded us wasn't unfounded at all. We didn't know it, but the war was finally coming to an end, and things were about to get complicated. Heero would incinerate that falling chunk of Libra and save the world. It would be the last time we were together for a long while.

After the war ended, Heero disappeared. At first I was okay with it. It was all over, I figured he needed some time to adjust and then he would come back when he was ready. After six months of not knowing where he was, I hunted him down. That took another three months. I found him along the border of Germany and France, deep in the Black Forest along the Rhine river.

I knew he had gone somewhere secluded, and after months of tracking him I was led there. He had gone through space and earth for three months, destroying all of Doctor J's labs before settling there. I found him in a run down cabin. And I mean run down as in no running water, no electricity, no fucking plumbing.

I rode an electric off-road bike until I was five miles away, then pushed the bike and walked the rest of the way. I figured if he heard someone coming he would bolt. When I approached the cabin, I used all my stealth skills to not make a sound, but he had seen me coming. I was maybe ten feet away when a throwing axe landed in the tree beside me at head level.

"You set off my perimeter alarm," I heard Heero say before he appeared out from between trees. "What are you doing here, Duo? "

He looked wild, his hair longer than normal, skin tainted with dirt, he was thinner and more pale than the last time I saw him. I told him I came for him, he didn't believe me. Heero suffered from the fear of having our identities revealed to the world. He didn't want to live the rest of his life as "Gundam Pilot 01", I don't blame him. I didn't want that for myself either, but our identities had been covered up.

He eventually let me in his run down cabin. It was then I saw boxes upon boxes of war ration provisions, most of which were gone. I was shocked that he had been living this way instead of just coming with me in the first place.

"I hunt too," he told me. "Besides, you were with that Schrebeiker girl. I figured you wanted a normal life after everything we've been through." That broke my heart. He had mistaken my relationship with Hilde for the romantic variety. I had to convince him that I loved her in a brotherly way, the same way he loved Relena. I never doubted his attachment to her was platonic, even if she didn't know it.

I stayed with him for two months in the Black Forest. Heero showed me how he hunted with hand crafted bow and arrows. That excited me, it was so archaic, so unlike the world we were used to. We bathed in the river and survived without modern technology. It took him awhile to get used to my touch again, it was like pulling him out of his stoic shell all over again, albeit a little faster, but still nine months was a long time to be alone for.

I convinced him to come back with me to the civilized world after those two months. He needed to get back to his friends, even if he didn't see them that way yet. We were all living in Brussels, not wanting to be too far from each other. Heero lived with me for another month before he moved into Quatre's estate with Q-ball and Tro.

After two weeks of living with me, I convinced him to go into therapy. He was obviously suffering from PTSD, depression, and anxiety. Heero only agreed to go if I went as well. We both did three sessions a week. After my first two sessions, it became clear that I had my own demons to battle, and after that we had a joined session. The psychologist we were seeing told us if we wanted a normal, healthy relationship then we would have to give each other distance and time. That's why he moved into the Winner estate.

We saw each other almost everyday, and started working for the Preventers at the same time. Heero had been debating joining the field agents or just working in their computer department. I made it very clear that if he went into the field that I wouldn't be able to handle it. He would be gone for weeks or months on end and I would have no way of getting ahold of him. I thought he would be irritated with my insecurities, but he actually seemed happy, like I was the excuse he was looking for, for not going into the field.

So Heero decided not to join, we had both risked our lives plenty enough and just wanted to try to be normal, even though we had never been that way in the first place. Our therapist told us to try to "woo" each other, so we went on dates and did couplie things together for a while.

At first it was weird and awkward. Our first trip to the movies had been a disaster on Heero's part. I love horror flicks, and he had never been to the theater.

The whole time he talked. "Why did they do that?", "The bad guy's in there what are they doing?", "Why'd that bitch trip and fall over nothing?" And he laughed constantly. I loved it, but the people around us didn't. He still finds slasher horror movies hilarious.

Heero introduced me to udon and sushi, and I showed him corn dogs and American candy. It was fun. We even put off the sexual side of our relationship until we had been "dating" for two and a half months.

"I want to suck you dick," he said while pointing at my crotch when I was driving us back the Quatre's estate. Subtle is his middle name.

"I dunno," I responded unsurely. Not because I didn't want him to do it, but because I wanted this to work. Once I pulled up to Quats, he was working on setting me free and swallowing me whole, I couldn't deny him. It had been so long for the both of us. Heero gobbled my cock down as I jerked him off. I held his head down as I came, and he came half on the passenger seat of my car and his own pants.

Heero lived at Quatre's for a whole year. During that time we had to figure out if we were compatible on an emotional, physical, and sexual level. We were, on all accounts. Nobody gets Heero the way I do, and no one gets me the way he does. We had to work on removing each others mask. I had to take down his mask of solitude and indifference. He had to remove my mask of the joker and Shinigami.

After that year at Quatre's, we agreed to move him back to my place. It had probably still been too soon, we were both still working on getting ourselves together. Heero had to deal with his anxiety and depression. I had to deal with my temper and self-esteem. We fought a lot. Over stupid shit too.

One fight in particular almost ended our relationship and Heero's life. It makes me cringe in remorse every time I think about it. We had been living together for about eight months, a lot of it spent fighting and arguing. One Sunday morning, we blew up at each other. I still don't remember what started it all.

We started yelling, which progressed to screaming hateful words. Everything that was within arms reach became a projectile. The kitchen and living room quickly became littered with broken glass and objects. I couldn't take it anymore, so I stomped off to our bedroom and packed my duffel bag. I took all my clothes and my gun. At one point, Heero tried to stop me, but I pushed him into the closet mirror, which shattered and rained down around him. For a brief second I was scared I had really hurt him, but he was up and screaming in my face again in a flash.

I took my shit and left. Before I closed the door, I looked back at him and said the first lie I can remember saying. "I hate you," I seethed. "I fucking hate you!" Slamming the door, I left him standing in the living room. I took off in my truck, driving aimlessly for hours.

I knew when I left that I would be going back. Back to him, and to take back those wretched words. When I did get back it was almost midnight. Walking into our apartment I noticed everything was meticulously clean, like our fight had never happened. The whole place was dark, I feared he had left too, and this time I wouldn't be able to find him.

Making my way to our bedroom, I heaved a huge sigh of relief when I saw the bathroom door open, lights on, and heard running water. I threw my duffel on the bed, pulled my gun out from the back of my pants when I noticed something in the air was wrong. I walked over to the bathroom, gun in hand. I almost collapsed at what I saw.

It all happened in slow motion. I walked in to find Heero in a full tub of water, holding that blasphemous laptop of his. It was plugged into the wall and turned on. He was about to drop it in the water and electrocute himself. He was going to commit suicide.

I raised my gun, and without thinking, I shot that damn laptop out of his hands, and it fell to the floor beside the tub. The gun shot rang loudly in that tiny tile room. Heero looked at me bewildered. I dropped the gun.

"What the fuck are you doing?" I screamed at him.

He didn't say anything, just stared blankly at me. "What the fuck do you think you're doing, you fucking idiot?!" I screeched as I fell into the tub on top of him. Water splashed every which way and my clothes and combat boots were instantly soaked, as clutched him by the shoulders and shook him. I was half drowning him by doing that but I needed an answer. "You fucking asshole! Don't do that to me!" I couldn't stop screaming. "Why? Tell me why. Give me a fucking answer!"

He pulled himself up so he could breathe. "You left!" He coughed out. "You said you hated me!" For the first time, I witnessed tears fill the blue eyes that I loved so much.

I shook him again, "How could you believe that? I was mad! It wasn't true, it will never be true!" I started to cry with him. We held each other as we sobbed, laying drenched in the bathtub. "I love you, Heero. I've loved you for so long, I'm so sorry."

"I love you, too," he weeped. "Please don't go."

"I won't, not now not ever."

It was the first time we had seen each other cry. It was the first time we declared our love for each other. We kissed with desperation once again as we clung to each other. Heero began to shove my pants down viciously as they stuck to my skin. "Make love to me," he pleaded. I complied by sitting up, removed my shirt and pushed down my pants and boxers to mid-thigh. He pulled me back down by my braid, crushed our lips together, and wrapped his legs around my waist.

Our love-making was painful, but we were too distraught to care or move from the water. With no preparation, no lubrication, I entered him. He yelped under me. The water only added to the friction, but I pushed forward, and he pulled me closer, tightened his legs around me, refused to let me go. We panted and whimpered into each others mouths, crying the whole time. Displaced water flowed over the edge. Towards the end it didn't hurt so much and we climaxed together.

That was the worst fight we've ever had. Afterwards, we were much more patient with each other. We didn't stop fighting all together of course, every couple has their ups and downs. Our next big fight after that one, I stomped out of the apartment only to turn on my heel and stomp back in.

"I'm coming back you jack ass, so don't do anything stupid!" I yelled at him and left. He was still fuming but smirked at my little outburst.

Since then, things have only gotten better. Our love and relationship has strengthened. We've learned to deal with each others quirks. He has to live with the fact that my hair will get everywhere and clog every drain. I, in return, have to deal that when it comes to milk and orange juice, Heero's knowledge of cups and their propuse disappear.

Two and a half years ago, I ruined his plans to pop the question by beating him to the punch. We were having a great dinner with all of our friends at a very luxurious restaurant. The engagement ring I had bought him was burning a hole in my pocket. So halfway through dinner, I asked for everyone's attention, and got down on one knee. I pulled out the ring and asked the million dollar question.

Heero rolled his eyes and glared at me. "You've got to be kidding."

"It's no joke, just answer the damn question," I demanded.

He pushed my champagne glass to the edge of the table. Inside I saw a ring. "I planned this whole night to ask you!" Everyone laughed at our expense as we both said yes and took each others rings.

Our wedding was small in Relena's backyard. We only invited the people who mattered to us. We've been happily married for two years. We bought a house to build our future in. We're in the process of adopting a little girl. Heero wants to be the one to stay at home. That's all fine by me. I have everything I've ever wanted, and I couldn't be happier.


End file.
